• Family Stories
  • Henry Forrest Eggert

"The LCC Parenting Communities staff supports and grows healthier families. Through a crisis and every day play their support has made my life with my kids more meaningful and joyful." -- Sarah Eggert

 

How does LCC promote resiliency?

A Story of Resilience

Henry’s House, the beautiful and unique structure built by John Kinker, on the LCC-Northport playground is a memorial to a young fellow named Henry Forrest Eggert. Henry’s life was short but full of surprise, intensity and teaching. Walk around Henry’s House and discover the unique aspects of the structure: the invitations to contemplate, to come together and to take refuge.

The story of Henry and his family is a powerful story of resilience and acceptance. The literature on healthy families describes resilient parents: “Parents who are emotionally resilient are able to maintain a positive attitude, creatively solve problems, and effectively rise to challenges in their lives.” Henry’s parents, Sarah and John, had the capacity to maintain a positive attitude throughout Henry’s life, which served as a rudder for the many people who were touched by Henry. As one family member noted: “Sarah set the tone and let us all come to peace with loving Henry for the time we had him rather than focusing on the fact that he would soon not be here.”

Henry was born with Trisome 18, a rare congenital condition that would limit his life to a few short months. John and Sarah learned of Henry’s condition upon his birth, and despite the shock, accepted the difficult news and turned their attention to devoting their time embracing Henry as their youngest child and as a member of their community.

Sarah and John were eager to bring Henry home from the hospital in order for Henry’s siblings to have time with their brother and for them all to experience life together as a family. So, at the earliest opportunity, he came home, accompanied by the various medical devices and a Hospice nurse who would support the family in providing for his care. At home,
Sarah and John invited Henry’s siblings to hold him and join in caring for him, to the degree that any toddler and preschooler would be involved with their infant brother. As John remarked “We really wanted the kids to have time with Henry and we tried not to be overly protective, but to let the kids hold him, sing to him and be with him as much as they wanted to.”

Sarah and John also welcomed extended family and friends to get to know Henry. Sarah has often remarked that she wanted anyone who wanted to know and learn from Henry to be able to spend time with him. She reminisced: “The fact that Henry was born was a miracle and a gift, and we wanted to share him.” John said that he never knew who would be at his home when he returned from work each evening—so many kind people who took turns caring for Henry, delivering food, and caring for Henry’s siblings. People who visited Henry referred to him as a treasure, a blessing, and an angel. He invited his caregivers to slow down and just “be” with him. Everyone knew that every day could be Henry’s last, so each moment was to be cherished.

Eventually, Henry’s last day did arrive. Sarah and John were with him, and Sarah describes a brilliant ray of sunlight than beamed directly into the room. She saw the light and knew that it was time for Henry to leave and felt full of love and comfort knowing that he would be greeted by family who awaited him. While the grief of Henry’s loss was profound, an accompanying sense of having been visited and touched by a rare presence seems to be an equally abundant feeling for those who loved Henry.

Tiny Henry Forrest Eggert was a powerful community maker and Henry’s House is dedicated to the gift of love, family, and community. LCC is deeply thankful to the Eggerts for sharing their family, all three of their children, and Henry’s House with the Leelanau Children’s Center staff. We invite you to come and visit—walk the spiral entry in and feel the spirit of the Eggerts.

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Henry's Story as a Study of Resilience

Sarah recently reported that she feels like a weeble wobble doll that gets knocked down and rights itself. She said that she feels like she and John and increasingly able to right themselves when tough things happen. How is it that John and Sarah were and are able to maintain resiliency in the face of the difficulties the have faced?

Students of resiliency note that people who find the hope, who notice the goodness even when times are tough are more likely to be resilient. From the time Henry was born, Sarah and John found themselves guided by a sense that Henry’s time on this earth was a gift, a miracle that they were honored to be part of. John and Sarah both tell stories of moments of joy—when Henry would make eye contact inviting that warmth of responsiveness that babies seem to call forth in us; when he nestled onto Sarah’s chest where he so deliciously fit; when his sister and brother would sing him songs, the songs of their own childhood. Sarah and John tell the story of Henry’s life with an accent on the positive; they noticed the goodness throughout Henry’s life.

Resiliency is also more likely to be found among people who enjoy strong social connections while social isolation is a tremendous risk factor. Sarah and John were surrounded by friends and family from the time of Henry’s birth. John tells of a night he fell asleep watching Henry smile at a friend who was taking the “Henry shift” that night. “It was so beautiful”, John reflects, “to watch Henry light up in Helen’s arms and I was so tired that I just drifted off with that image in my mind. “ John and Sarah both marvel at the community that rose up to care for the children, to feed them, to sit with Henry so that Sarah and John could sleep. The Eggerts had nurtured the social connections that would come to be their safety net during Henry’s life.

An interesting side note about the importance of social connections is that the people who step up to be helpful often will describe their experience as a gift as well. The people who participated in Henry’s life all say that they felt blessed and honored to be part of the Eggert’s life, some even describe that it helped them come to terms with some of the difficult experiences of their own lives.

Resiliency is most commonly found when people feel competent to make the best decisions within the circumstances. Henry’s condition presented many challenges for which there were few clear answers. John and Sarah worked hard to find out what others knew, they sought out people like their beloved Hospice nurse with whom they explored ideas and examined
possibilities. Sarah and John struck a healthy balance between working collaboratively to seek ideas and solutions while remaining clearly in charge of the decision making.

People who have confidence in the strength of their relationships are typically more resilient. Sarah and John were a strong team; their belief in, and support for, one another is unwavering. Henry came along after John and Sarah had weathered a few storms and knew that they could count one another. Sarah’s Mom stayed close by throughout Henry’s life; she followed Sarah and John’s lead, lent Sarah strength, and provided another stabilizing relationship for the family.

The weeble wobble analogy is a good image for the resilient person. Life will present challenges, and we hope that qualities such as community, competence, trust, and hope will help people right themselves when they fall. We are thankful to the Eggert family for allowing us to share in learning about resiliency first hand. Our hats are off to you Eggerts!